First sis everyone struggles in some way... NO ONE IS PERFECT. But most folks like to portray themselves as Super Holy so they don't let anyone know that they are struggling, but they are just like you. And when I say everyone... I mean everyone. You just can't see most people while they are struggling, so it's easy to think you're the only one... you're not. Sin and temptation attack everyone, they ain't no punks.
The Bible says the "enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy." (John 10:10) Sin, temptation, and the devil are also characterized in 1 Peter 5:8 "as a roaring lion, [that] walketh about, seeking whom he may devour". That’s serious…
The battle of sin is so powerful in fact that our only hope was for Jesus himself to die and pay the penalty of sin to break its hold on humanity. It’s because of Jesus we are saved... but we are not sinless. I’m actually really happy to hear that you are feeling guilty. This means that the Lord is speaking to your heart… and you’re listening. You see sis, it's actually because of the unconditional Love of Jesus that you are currently feeling any guilt at all. It’s because Jesus loved you enough to die so you wouldn't have to be a prisoner to temptation, that you now feel guilty when you do give in.
Think about it… Why feel guilty if it wasn't already resolved? Why feel guilty if there was no way to overcome it? You feel guilty because you know in Him you have the power to do better; to make better decisions and to ultimately be better. You want that, I want that, and Jesus wanted it so bad he died for it. I assume because you are feeling such a high degree of guilt you are already saved… is that a safe assumption? You have already confessed your belief that Jesus Christ was the Son of God and that He died for your sins, and rose again? I hope so… If not, let me know, we can take care of that too.
But if so, there’s good news sis. You want to get your spirit clean and keep it clean? You can! As you know, your spirit is the inner being that loves God and wants to do the will of God. To “clean” that inner being, your spirit, you must repent for your actions to date, accept God’s forgiveness, and claim your liberty.
I know when people say repent folks get all cross eyed, but all it really means is that you get to a point that you are so sorry for what you’ve done that it hurts… You cry about it and wish it would have never happened. You decided you never want to live that way again and you ask God to forgive you and honor your commitment to never go back. “Repent” is just the super spiritual word some people use to describe that process. That’s what it takes to clean away all the mess and guilt of your past… and your future. As long as your heart is sensitive to the quiet conviction of the Lord’s truth you’ll continue to grow and you’ll learn how to clean up the messes you might create.
Don’t get me wrong it’s not easy, but it is simple. The hard part is actually learning to forgive yourself and stop caring what other people think… This is difficult because we often lose the battles and have to keep going back to God for the same things. The Apostle Paul spoke about this battle most eloquently in chapters 7 and 8 of the book of Romans. And that’s actually where I would recommend you start reading and studying if you really want to get on the right track and stay there.
I say start there because the most important thing you need to understand is that some of the temptation will never go away. It will be your cross to bear on a daily basis. But it’s that same temptation that will eventually teach you to lean entirely upon the Lord. Because sis, if you’re like everyone else you’ll keep messing up and you’ll keep going back in repentance for forgiveness. Then when you conquer an issue in the spirit, you’ll find another challenge and start the process all over again.
This cycle is actually by design. As we grow we endeavor to become more like Christ… So as we learn more about Him we recognize more about ourselves that is displeasing to Him. Working on those things is how we work out our faith and become mature Christians; never perfect, but sincerely repentant, ever improving, and always forgiven. I pray that this helps you get moving again.
Hit my Inbox sis. I’m happy to help you and point you in the right direction.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
im finding myself doing things i shouldnt be and then feelling so bad after that i dont want to face me in the mirror. Guilty. i want to get my spirit clean and keep it clean, what can i do? why is it so hard to resist the devil, how can i stay on track?
I have been dating someone for 9 months. He talks marriage, but no ring and no proposal, but also talks about moving in w/me but yet won't disclose his finances. I don't like being in this situation, and am starting to push him away...
I would assume your question is “what do I advise you to do in this situation?” At this point, he obviously does not share your degree of respect for the union. And if he doesn’t respect the union now… what makes you think for a moment that he’ll respect it later. This is real life. He’s playing games; and if he’s not playing games on purpose? Then he’s not taking you seriously admitting to you that he’s currently too immature to fully appreciate the serious nature and risk of marriage.
Hold up… all you want are financial records? What about medical history and a full background check? This is no time to be playing games. A person with nothing to hide… has nothing to hide. But by the same token we all have to understand that this “information” must not be used to “disqualify” someone we are truly in love with. This information should be used to establish a healthy level of full disclosure for two people that are prepared to commit to loving each other for better or for worse.
Marriage is not the clinical business transaction it has become to most people; it is something much more profound. And in that way everything you need to know about a spouse is not learned from their history or current status for that matter. For example, my finances were in complete disarray when I met my wife… but so were hers. We both disclosed this information before we were married and had actually worked out a plan to begin addressing the problems. Marriage was the answer for us, because what neither of us could do alone we figured out how to do as a team.
When we are so short sighted as to use this kind of information to exclusively decide matters of the heart we can potentially negate God’s overall plan and design. People often forget or simply ignore that marriage is actually a tool that God uses to mature and grow each person in ways that they could have never grown on their own as singles. Some of us are so focused on the finished product that we fail to recognize the tremendous value of a diamond in the rough. I mean, what if a man’s finances are jacked up because he has yet to find his true help meet as ordained by the Lord. When God puts two together one is usually strong where the other is weak and vice versa. The two of them are stronger together than either of them could ever be alone.
So what am I advising you to do? Stop pushing. Start talking because real serious adult communications are in order. Figure out what you need and expect then figure out how to clearly communicate the same to him in no uncertain terms. Establish what your prerequisites are and why they are critical to the success of the union. A man that loves you will respect your wishes even if he doesn’t completely understand your perspective. And oh yeah… lock your “extra key” in a safe for the time being.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
My question,,,,How can you start dating with two young children??? Where would you meet this special person......God gives us what we need and not what we want. I know what I want,,,, but it isn't going well. Do you have an answer????
OK, LOL, you got your money’s worth on this one. Several questions rolled into one. I can't say that I have an 'answer' but I do have some ideas I pray that you find helpful.
Question #1 : How can you start dating with two young children??? I’ve learned that people can figure out how to do anything they have to do or ‘really’ want to do. If you can’t figure out a way to date, you may not be ‘ready’ to date. Dating is not a matter of convenience it’s a matter of decision and determination. The kids could stay with friends or family for a few hours in the evening or on the weekend. You could hire a baby sitter or take advantage of a local church’s Mom’s day/night out program. You could also meet for lunch during the normal work day. People can and will figure out how to do anything they really want to do. The question for you is do you really want to? Are you ready?
Question #2 : Where would you meet this special person? Well, I’d get busy living. I’d get fully engaged in the things I am passionate about. I’d take classes, join clubs, and attend events that were in line with my passions. The person you want will likely have some similar interest and therefore you’ll have a better chance of meeting that person while actively engaged in pursuing that passion. The benefit of this strategy is that if it really is your passion you can focus on the activity and not focus on ‘looking/searching’ for Mr. Right, which could come across as needy.
Get to know you and what you like to do, start living your life like you’ll never ‘find’ him… because you won’t if you’re ‘looking’. The ‘search’ gives off the wrong energy. But learning, laughing, and living all send off the right vibes that lead to loving. What are you passionate about? Cooking, kayaking, working out, photography, the Arts, charity work, Breast cancer awareness,… what? Figure it out and get busy living sis. The man you want is probably out there doing the same. You can’t expect him to come knocking on your door because he doesn’t know where you live… yet. ; ) Hope that helps sis.
Do you think married women REALLY want to know/or care if their husband is cheating on them? If so, who should tell the husband or the mistress?
Given the full array of marriage arrangements now, I’m quite certain this is not a one answer fits all type question. I’m sure given the full spectrum of circumstances, situations, personalities, and expectations the answers would range from most definitely ‘yes’ for some, ‘maybe’ for some, to ‘it depends’ for some, ‘probably not’ for still some others, and even flat out ‘no’ for still some others.
As far as who should tell? Generally speaking, ‘if’ anyone is to tell it should be the husband. For the most part, the ”mistress” stands to gain nothing by “telling” other than possibly vengeance or retribution of some kind. It’s not like she has become altruistic and is suddenly looking out for the best interest of the wife. And even if guilt/repentance has finally taken over and forced her to change her ways that is between her and the Lord. I would suspect that a mistress who decides to “tell” has been, or at least feels, spurned or disrespected in some way and only then decides to lash out and hurt someone else in return.
But as I said there are actually situations that run the full gamut. I can also see situations where the wife and the mistress are close friends or even family… in that case the mistress may be forced to reveal the situation if the husband will not. I’ve seen this between sisters, cousins, neighbors, best friends, co-workers, etc… In situations like these the close proximity means the mistress would have to continue to perpetuate the lie in the face of the offended spouse. The close proximity also raises the likelihood that repeat offenses could occur. This situation, if unresolved, could hinder the mistresses own attempts at redemption, salvation, and moving on. I’ve seen scenarios where the mistress and the wife were much too close to not confess and ask for forgiveness. But without this level of connection, the mistress’ best option is to simply cut all ties and move on without causing any further damage to the marriage.
What advise do you have for a young man looking for a good women?
A couple of things come to mind ::
#1, you must become a “good man”. Relationships that last are ultimately subject to simple equilibrium. Meaning that for a relationship to last and prosper the couple must not be unequally yoked. What does a good woman want with a trifling man? Even if she does get mixed up with him, she will eventually come to her senses and move on. The truth of the matter is this, you can only hope to keep a woman that is as good a woman, as you are a good man. If you are 50% of a good man… you should expect to only be able to keep 50% of a good woman. You get and keep what you are. Your destiny in relationships is that your significant other will ultimately be a reflection of you.
#2, make sure you understand that there is a HUGE difference between a “good woman” and a ‘good wife”. True, a good wife is most definitely a good woman… but not the other way around. There are very good women who are actually terrible wives. So if I were you I’d sit down and write a job description for the wife of your dreams. What would your wife like to do, love to do, want to do, never do, etc…? You need to know what kind of woman would make a good wife for you.
Think of it this way, if I tell you I want a ‘good vehicle’ what do I mean? Am I talking about a bike, a boat, a truck, a tractor, a plane, what? Is a Ford F-150 a ‘good vehicle’? Sure… but it may not be the ‘right’ vehicle for what I want to do. Finding a ‘good woman’ is simply not enough.
#3, Some additional advice about a ‘good woman’ that I am sure it to get me in trouble…
[[Remember ladies this man asked about a ‘good woman’ so I’m only going to speak that issue]]
I’d recommend you strongly consider a woman that has been married before… I’m just saying, man to man. I’ll take the heat because you cared enough to ask and I care enough to tell you what I really think. I recommend a woman that has been married before because her illusion of what a marriage is and what a wife should or should not do has been refined. Most women married for the first time just don’t get it right. Some do… most don’t. Most first time wives really have no clue what it takes to be a ‘good wife’. Many of them are great women… but terrible wives. There are several reasons the first marriage divorce rates are so high, and this is one of them.
Are women completely to blame for the current first time marriage divorce rates, of course not. But I feel your chances of finding a great wife are much better when dealing with women who’ve learned from the problems in a first marriage. It’s amazing to me how much people, both men and women, change in the second marriage. It’s like the first marriage is some kind of test run. Unfortunately, the first spouse deals with all the misconceptions, attitudes, illusions, and marital immaturity while the second spouse reaps all the benefits of lessons learned.
That’s my two cents… let the ear beatings commence.
Monday, March 22, 2010
I spent 1/yr/20 hr/day fighting the bill that converts The Land Of The Free into a socialist Nanny state. What does God want? Why would He allow thw Evil to prevail against us? How do we all pull together as Chistians under Our Supreme Leader?
Your question is actually much less about complex politics, policies, and “evil” than it is about fundamental Christian perspective and purpose. Unfortunately, we tend to lose sight of God’s overall plan for the earth as described in scripture. Further, we seem to ignore the full history and trajectory of God’s chosen people as well as his standard methodologies for dealing with them.
Ultimately, who’s winning and who’s losing at this very moment is a matter of perspective. How do we know evil is “prevailing” if we consider that there is absolutely nothing in scripture that indicates, implies, or promises that evil won’t be “leading” at half-time? Evil may actually still be in the lead and building until our key player reenters the game in the final minutes to secure our victory. In the meantime, there’s no guarantee we won’t be getting out butts kicked for long stretches at a time. Therefore, the proper perspective demands that we see the whole game through Gods eyes and in light of his stated plan.
So, as long as Christians are “focused” on temporal issues like Politics there will always be division, disagreement, and strife even among Christians. I personally believe this is a trick of the enemy… We can’t be defeated but we can be distracted and divided. And given that the very nature of Politics is polarizing, there’s no way around that. But, when an understanding and appreciation of God’s plan is fully embraced our perspective will inevitably shift from things that are temporal to things that are eternal. Which is more important, the number of votes we can get in the House of Representatives or the number of 8th graders we can introduce to the Lord? I’m just saying… Purpose is tied to Perspective. When we shift from a Political to a Kingdom perspective our purpose also shifts from a Political to a Kingdom purpose.
So the only way for Christians to “pull together” is to learn, embrace, and become more passionate about our “Supreme Leader’s” plans policies as we are about our National leader’s plans policies.
I spent 1/yr/20 hr/day fighting the bill that converts The Land Of The Free into a socialist Nanny state. What does God want? Why would He allow thw Evil to prevail against us? How do we all pull together as Chistians under Our Supreme Leader?
Your question is actually much less about complex politics, policies, and “evil” than it is about fundamental Christian perspective and purpose. Unfortunately, we tend to lose sight of God’s overall plan for the earth as described in scripture. Further, we seem to ignore the full history and trajectory of God’s chosen people as well as his standard methodologies for dealing with them.
Ultimately, who’s winning and who’s losing at this very moment is a matter of perspective. How do we know evil is “prevailing” if we consider that there is absolutely nothing in scripture that indicates, implies, or promises that evil won’t be “leading” at half-time? Evil may actually still be in the lead and building until our key player reenters the game in the final minutes to secure our victory. In the meantime, there’s no guarantee we won’t be getting out butts kicked for longs stretches at a time. The proper perspective demands that we see the whole game through Gods eyes and in light of his stated plan.
So, as long as Christians are “focused” on temporal issues like Politics there will always be division, disagreement, and strife. The nature of Politics is polarizing; no way around that. But, when an understanding and appreciation of God’s plan is fully embraced our perspective will inevitably shifts from things that are temporal to things that are eternal. Which is more important, the number of votes we can get in the House of Representatives or the number of 8th graders we can introduce to the Lord? I’m just saying… Purpose is tied to Perspective. When we shift from a Political to a Kingdom perspective our purpose also shifts from a Political to a Kingdom purpose.
So the only way for Christians to “pull together” is to learn, embrace, and become more passionate about our “Supreme Leader’s” plans policies as we are about our National leader’s plans policies.
