First sis everyone struggles in some way... NO ONE IS PERFECT. But most folks like to portray themselves as Super Holy so they don't let anyone know that they are struggling, but they are just like you. And when I say everyone... I mean everyone. You just can't see most people while they are struggling, so it's easy to think you're the only one... you're not. Sin and temptation attack everyone, they ain't no punks.
The Bible says the "enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy." (John 10:10) Sin, temptation, and the devil are also characterized in 1 Peter 5:8 "as a roaring lion, [that] walketh about, seeking whom he may devour". That’s serious…
The battle of sin is so powerful in fact that our only hope was for Jesus himself to die and pay the penalty of sin to break its hold on humanity. It’s because of Jesus we are saved... but we are not sinless. I’m actually really happy to hear that you are feeling guilty. This means that the Lord is speaking to your heart… and you’re listening. You see sis, it's actually because of the unconditional Love of Jesus that you are currently feeling any guilt at all. It’s because Jesus loved you enough to die so you wouldn't have to be a prisoner to temptation, that you now feel guilty when you do give in.
Think about it… Why feel guilty if it wasn't already resolved? Why feel guilty if there was no way to overcome it? You feel guilty because you know in Him you have the power to do better; to make better decisions and to ultimately be better. You want that, I want that, and Jesus wanted it so bad he died for it. I assume because you are feeling such a high degree of guilt you are already saved… is that a safe assumption? You have already confessed your belief that Jesus Christ was the Son of God and that He died for your sins, and rose again? I hope so… If not, let me know, we can take care of that too.
But if so, there’s good news sis. You want to get your spirit clean and keep it clean? You can! As you know, your spirit is the inner being that loves God and wants to do the will of God. To “clean” that inner being, your spirit, you must repent for your actions to date, accept God’s forgiveness, and claim your liberty.
I know when people say repent folks get all cross eyed, but all it really means is that you get to a point that you are so sorry for what you’ve done that it hurts… You cry about it and wish it would have never happened. You decided you never want to live that way again and you ask God to forgive you and honor your commitment to never go back. “Repent” is just the super spiritual word some people use to describe that process. That’s what it takes to clean away all the mess and guilt of your past… and your future. As long as your heart is sensitive to the quiet conviction of the Lord’s truth you’ll continue to grow and you’ll learn how to clean up the messes you might create.
Don’t get me wrong it’s not easy, but it is simple. The hard part is actually learning to forgive yourself and stop caring what other people think… This is difficult because we often lose the battles and have to keep going back to God for the same things. The Apostle Paul spoke about this battle most eloquently in chapters 7 and 8 of the book of Romans. And that’s actually where I would recommend you start reading and studying if you really want to get on the right track and stay there.
I say start there because the most important thing you need to understand is that some of the temptation will never go away. It will be your cross to bear on a daily basis. But it’s that same temptation that will eventually teach you to lean entirely upon the Lord. Because sis, if you’re like everyone else you’ll keep messing up and you’ll keep going back in repentance for forgiveness. Then when you conquer an issue in the spirit, you’ll find another challenge and start the process all over again.
This cycle is actually by design. As we grow we endeavor to become more like Christ… So as we learn more about Him we recognize more about ourselves that is displeasing to Him. Working on those things is how we work out our faith and become mature Christians; never perfect, but sincerely repentant, ever improving, and always forgiven. I pray that this helps you get moving again.
Hit my Inbox sis. I’m happy to help you and point you in the right direction.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
im finding myself doing things i shouldnt be and then feelling so bad after that i dont want to face me in the mirror. Guilty. i want to get my spirit clean and keep it clean, what can i do? why is it so hard to resist the devil, how can i stay on track?
I have been dating someone for 9 months. He talks marriage, but no ring and no proposal, but also talks about moving in w/me but yet won't disclose his finances. I don't like being in this situation, and am starting to push him away...
I would assume your question is “what do I advise you to do in this situation?” At this point, he obviously does not share your degree of respect for the union. And if he doesn’t respect the union now… what makes you think for a moment that he’ll respect it later. This is real life. He’s playing games; and if he’s not playing games on purpose? Then he’s not taking you seriously admitting to you that he’s currently too immature to fully appreciate the serious nature and risk of marriage.
Hold up… all you want are financial records? What about medical history and a full background check? This is no time to be playing games. A person with nothing to hide… has nothing to hide. But by the same token we all have to understand that this “information” must not be used to “disqualify” someone we are truly in love with. This information should be used to establish a healthy level of full disclosure for two people that are prepared to commit to loving each other for better or for worse.
Marriage is not the clinical business transaction it has become to most people; it is something much more profound. And in that way everything you need to know about a spouse is not learned from their history or current status for that matter. For example, my finances were in complete disarray when I met my wife… but so were hers. We both disclosed this information before we were married and had actually worked out a plan to begin addressing the problems. Marriage was the answer for us, because what neither of us could do alone we figured out how to do as a team.
When we are so short sighted as to use this kind of information to exclusively decide matters of the heart we can potentially negate God’s overall plan and design. People often forget or simply ignore that marriage is actually a tool that God uses to mature and grow each person in ways that they could have never grown on their own as singles. Some of us are so focused on the finished product that we fail to recognize the tremendous value of a diamond in the rough. I mean, what if a man’s finances are jacked up because he has yet to find his true help meet as ordained by the Lord. When God puts two together one is usually strong where the other is weak and vice versa. The two of them are stronger together than either of them could ever be alone.
So what am I advising you to do? Stop pushing. Start talking because real serious adult communications are in order. Figure out what you need and expect then figure out how to clearly communicate the same to him in no uncertain terms. Establish what your prerequisites are and why they are critical to the success of the union. A man that loves you will respect your wishes even if he doesn’t completely understand your perspective. And oh yeah… lock your “extra key” in a safe for the time being.
