Really sis? You've been dating for 9 YEARS and you think the cat food question is your best clue that he's uncommitted? 9 years? I don't care if he knew the name of every hair on your cat's body his attention to the details about your cat is the least, or should be the least, of your concerns. In my book there's no reason at all to "date" for 9 years unless marriage is simply out of the question for you both. What is he wating to learn about you that he doesn't already know? The brand of cat food you use? I think not. Clearly he's a renter and not a buyer.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
I have concerns with my mind screaming at me non stop. What's the best way to quiet my mind? Pray and have faith that God will still my thoughts? I know it's imperative to be still in order to hear God? I'm also attempting to be a micro-manager of my life
So… that opening statement is cause for some concern. But not just because you say your mind is “screaming at you non stop” but because you speak of your own mind as if you have no control over it. The way that sentence reads could lead one to believe that you view your own mind as an adversary or other entity that is separate from you as an individual. That is definitely a concern that may need professional guidance to master.
Here's a confession... I’m not really a doctor, although I sometimes sound like one on Facebook. ;-)) So, if you really feel like your mind is not your own to control and master you might want to speak with a counselor qualified to help you address the source of that of detachment. On the other hand, if your question really is just how to “quiet [your] mind” and/or “still your thoughts” I may be able to help in that regard.
One thing most people don’t know is that their reality and their mentality mirror each other. You can learn a lot about what’s going on in someone’s mind by studying their surroundings. And this organic manifestation of reality is a two way street. Chaos in the mind equals chaos in life and the same is usually true in both directions meaning Chaos in life leads to Chaos of the mind. But I did say “usually”. And I said usually because ultimately your state of mind and therefore your life is the result of a series of choices. So to alter your life and your state of mind you need to make choices to facilitate that change.
If you want to calm your mind start by making decisions to calm your life and surroundings. Cut out all of the distractions and unnecessary things that stress you out. Choose to disengage from unnecessary actions and activities that feed the chaos on the outside. Cut some people loose if you must, even if it is only for a season. You simply must take control of your surroundings if you ever hope to take control of your thought life. And by minimizing the “noise” in your life you can begin to also minimize the “noise” in your mind.
If you find it difficult to control your thoughts then don’t waste time trying to shut them off, instead refocus them on how to bring peace and rest to your life. Focus on how to make your life less cluttered and more centered… If you can begin to achieve this new reality it will start to spill over into your mentality as well.
Don’t retreat into your mind. Instead go on the offensive and reclaim the peace and order in your life. As you begin to master your environment and minimize the external chaos, it will pay huge dividends in what and how you think about yourself and your life. Hope that helps fam and don’t be ashamed to seek the help of a professional counselor if feelings of emotional detachment persist.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Hi Bo! Im 35 and I am not dating. There are prospects, but none are suitable. Meanwhile, my friends have abandoned me during a time of some major challenges I am facing. Should I just accept this as "quiet time"?
In reading your question I can hear several things. I hear patience, maturity, and wisdom. All of which are extremely important traits if any of us are to ever achieve the peace and happiness we desire. Congratulations you sound very well adjusted especially considering the average 35 y/o has the emotional and relational capacity of a 9th grader. :)) But that's not all I hear, there are a couple of other things I hear as well, even in only faintly, that may prove to be problematic if not considered.
***NOTE: I will assume that since you are seeking my advice you will not be offended by my penchant to use Biblical references and a Spiritual context in explaining some key concepts.*** So here goes...
#1 - One of the things I detect is the feeling of "abandonment". This is a dangerous and very destructive emotion and although sometimes it is entirely warranted most often it is not. Honestly, this word shouldn’t even be in the Christian vocabulary. It is impossible for a true believer to ever actually be “abandoned”. Further, when our friends are not in position or seem unwilling to assist us, it is often God’s hand that is restraining them. Many times what we consider abandonment is simply God isolating us so we can learn to depend more deeply and fully on Him and His provision/plan for our lives.
And further still, there are those of us that are being called out from among our friends because they are not destined to go where God is leading. Don’t mistake “preparation” for abandonment. Don’t mistake “isolation” for abandonment. And most definitely don’t mistake God’s plan to draw you closer to Him as if it is instead just your friends pulling away from you. Now I am no one to say whether your assessment of the situation is valid or not, it could very well be. All I hope is that you take some time and consider other possibilities.
#2 - I hear resentment, but this is most likely a byproduct of the feelings generated by your sense of abandonment. Reconsider your conclusions about abandonment and it will work to eliminate the resentment that is may be looking to take root.
#3 – I also hear fatigue. It sounds to me like you’ve been fighting the good fight in your emotional state and in your relationships holding out for the one God has for you. However, you still strongly desire the security and comfort of a significant other; so strongly in fact, your “defenses” may be weakening to the point that you are considering reevaluating your relationship standards. This may only be on a subconscious level but there are clues in your question that point to this conclusion. To that I say stay the course. Don’t be afraid to be alone. Most people don’t realize it, but you can’t be a productive part of a healthy relationship until you are comfortable being alone. Besides if you know someone is not “suitable” don’t make up excuses for them or lower your standards just to be with someone. Conversely, don’t drive someone away who is perfect for you just because they don’t measure up to the list you created in your mind. Never give up the fight to keep your mind, heart, and eyes open.
#4 – I hear stress… Stress related to standing by your resolve and your decision making process. You asked, “Should I just accept this as ‘quiet time’?” This question indicates that in your heart you don’t feel like this should just be quiet time. It sounds like you are accustomed to fighting to get what you want /need /desire /expect… I know that can get stressful particularly when you feel as if you are fighting alone. But this takes us full circle to the feeling of abandonment…
Is it remotely possible that God is orchestrating this season in your life to draw you closer to Him? Is it possible that God is waiting on you to learn how to rest in His power and provision? After all, if we are to believe the Bible then His power is made perfect in our weakness, right? Some fights are not ours to fight. So if God is speaking to your heart to move… move. But if you feel God is telling you to just be quiet. Then be quiet. But not just quiet like a butterfly, apathetic and ignorant of your surroundings, but be quiet more like a leopard getting in position to pounce.
For those of us truly called according to His purpose there is no such thing as “just quiet time”. With the proper understanding and expectation we can rest and prepare for battle while God tears down the walls of Jericho. Ultimately we are most powerful when we are totally dependent upon God to move on our behalf. So don’t just be quiet; but be still, quiet, and prayerful listening for battle instructions from the Lord. And be ready to move when He says move. And in that way, this may not be a time to just be quiet, but instead it just might be the time to “just get ready.”
Hope that helps fam.
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