Hi Bo! Im 35 and I am not dating. There are prospects, but none are suitable. Meanwhile, my friends have abandoned me during a time of some major challenges I am facing. Should I just accept this as "quiet time"?

In reading your question I can hear several things. I hear patience, maturity, and wisdom. All of which are extremely important traits if any of us are to ever achieve the peace and happiness we desire. Congratulations you sound very well adjusted especially considering the average 35 y/o has the emotional and relational capacity of a 9th grader. :)) But that's not all I hear, there are a couple of other things I hear as well, even in only faintly, that may prove to be problematic if not considered.

***NOTE: I will assume that since you are seeking my advice you will not be offended by my penchant to use Biblical references and a Spiritual context in explaining some key concepts.*** So here goes...

#1 - One of the things I detect is the feeling of "abandonment". This is a dangerous and very destructive emotion and although sometimes it is entirely warranted most often it is not. Honestly, this word shouldn’t even be in the Christian vocabulary. It is impossible for a true believer to ever actually be “abandoned”. Further, when our friends are not in position or seem unwilling to assist us, it is often God’s hand that is restraining them. Many times what we consider abandonment is simply God isolating us so we can learn to depend more deeply and fully on Him and His provision/plan for our lives.

And further still, there are those of us that are being called out from among our friends because they are not destined to go where God is leading. Don’t mistake “preparation” for abandonment. Don’t mistake “isolation” for abandonment. And most definitely don’t mistake God’s plan to draw you closer to Him as if it is instead just your friends pulling away from you. Now I am no one to say whether your assessment of the situation is valid or not, it could very well be. All I hope is that you take some time and consider other possibilities.

#2 - I hear resentment, but this is most likely a byproduct of the feelings generated by your sense of abandonment. Reconsider your conclusions about abandonment and it will work to eliminate the resentment that is may be looking to take root.

#3 – I also hear fatigue. It sounds to me like you’ve been fighting the good fight in your emotional state and in your relationships holding out for the one God has for you. However, you still strongly desire the security and comfort of a significant other; so strongly in fact, your “defenses” may be weakening to the point that you are considering reevaluating your relationship standards. This may only be on a subconscious level but there are clues in your question that point to this conclusion. To that I say stay the course. Don’t be afraid to be alone. Most people don’t realize it, but you can’t be a productive part of a healthy relationship until you are comfortable being alone. Besides if you know someone is not “suitable” don’t make up excuses for them or lower your standards just to be with someone. Conversely, don’t drive someone away who is perfect for you just because they don’t measure up to the list you created in your mind. Never give up the fight to keep your mind, heart, and eyes open.

#4 – I hear stress… Stress related to standing by your resolve and your decision making process. You asked, “Should I just accept this as ‘quiet time’?” This question indicates that in your heart you don’t feel like this should just be quiet time. It sounds like you are accustomed to fighting to get what you want /need /desire /expect… I know that can get stressful particularly when you feel as if you are fighting alone. But this takes us full circle to the feeling of abandonment…

Is it remotely possible that God is orchestrating this season in your life to draw you closer to Him? Is it possible that God is waiting on you to learn how to rest in His power and provision? After all, if we are to believe the Bible then His power is made perfect in our weakness, right? Some fights are not ours to fight. So if God is speaking to your heart to move… move. But if you feel God is telling you to just be quiet. Then be quiet. But not just quiet like a butterfly, apathetic and ignorant of your surroundings, but be quiet more like a leopard getting in position to pounce.

For those of us truly called according to His purpose there is no such thing as “just quiet time”. With the proper understanding and expectation we can rest and prepare for battle while God tears down the walls of Jericho. Ultimately we are most powerful when we are totally dependent upon God to move on our behalf. So don’t just be quiet; but be still, quiet, and prayerful listening for battle instructions from the Lord. And be ready to move when He says move. And in that way, this may not be a time to just be quiet, but instead it just might be the time to “just get ready.”

Hope that helps fam.

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