[Im a new Christian] my friend still have blinder's on. what do i do? Do i leave them alone? I love them and i want them to be happy, but they haven't gotten that call yet, and i did. I dont want to watch them go...you no where,feel me? what to do?

First, congratulations!!! And I know... This is a really tough position to be in, but this is the same struggle for just about everyone who gives their life to Christ. Most things and, unfortunately, some people will be/must be left behind. But there are ways to keep loving on the people you care about without falling victim to that old lifestyle.

You have to be very careful and guard your heart during this transition. You are vulnerable right now so the enemy is going to bring the fight to you. To be victorious you must realize and accept that the real fight is not against flesh and blood. Your fight is not against or with people. Your fight is against the powers and spirits that used to rule your life and still rules theirs. The real fight is against the influences they might have on your life and not the person who is under the influence.

Focus your prayers and energy on fighting those influences and not on fighting the person. I know you want to preach to people. I know you want to save them. But you are still a babe in Christ. You're not strong enough yet to fight the powers they are dealing with.

So... Don't get caught up in conversations about what they are or are not doing. All of your conversations should be about what is different in your life now. Talk about how you feel different and how you see life and things differently. If you want to help them your only real option is your best and strongest option is to SHOW THEM. Don't preach to them. Show them.

Let them see the change in you first hand. That's what the Bible means when Jesus said, "lift me up and I'll draw all men unto me." We lift up Jesus by changing our lives to be more like his. Not so much by preaching... but instead by first living a victorious life. When people see that change in you they will be drawn to that change and that light in you.

You don't and won't have to preach it if you are living it sis. People will start to look at you different and treat you different. Some good, some bad. But the ones who really want a better life will ask you and then you can tell them about what Jesus did for you.

In the meantime, you can still hangout with any of your old friends who don't try to drag you down into the mess you just came out of. The best way to figure out who has your best interest at heart is to take control of the interactions. Instead of hooking up at night at a club or any situation that might cause you to slip up, see if your friends will meet you during the day for lunch, or bowling, or at the nail salon. You are a new person, so find new things to do. Inviting friends to church is helpful but rarely effective, until they have seen the change in your life. So fight any influences that might keep you from making that change.

So remember, your battle IS NOT against people. So stay alert and fight influences and NOT people. Fight old influences by finding new things to do with old friends. Live the life of Christ so they can see Christ in you. Preaching the Bible is much less effective than living like Christ. So ultimately the best thing you can do FOR THEM right now is work on your own walk. Get stronger by getting to know the Bible and what it teaches. So that when the time comes, and it will, you can answer the questions for people who will come to you because they can see the positive changes in your life.

Hope that helps sis.

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If U attract who U R, than what of those people who attract the weak? People who have great spiritual, intellectual, financial, & emotional wealth R often the prey of parasites. U don't have to B a liar, cheater, or ignorant 2 attract that N others.

Excellent question:

The old adage about "opposites attract" is just as true now as ever. But so is the old adage that states “Birds of a feather flock together.” They are both true and applicable here. In my post the term "attract" is actually the more important variable in the equation. We can proactively “attract” by pulling, calling, coercing, and/or inviting. But we can also passively “attract” by showing, exposing, presenting, allowing, and ignoring.

In the context of my status a person's spiritual, intellectual, financial, and emotional wealth are completely irrelevant. Because a person can have any of those things and still secretly think of themselves as weak, unworthy, and/or out of place. In that way, ‘who you are’ is defined by how you think and how you view yourself… and not defined by ‘what you have’. Contrary to popular belief weak people are actually drawn to power, but will only stay if a suitable weakness is located to exploit.

You said it yourself.... Think of parasites… They are drawn to life and vitality, however if they can’t find a way in they move on. The weak need a weakness to thrive. And for most of the people who fancy themselves as spiritual, intellectual, financial, and emotionally wealthy their weakness is usually either pride, arrogance, greed, or low self esteem. Each of which are great avenues for the liar, cheater, and/or ignorant to exploit. If they can’t find/exploit these weaknesses they will move on. Guaranteed. So if you continue to attract the same kind of parasites… There’s a problem. And the problem is NOT with the parasites.

But ultimately, I must digress because the true nature of my comment was about romantic relationships and not general human/business interaction. So my comment really only applies directly to romantic relationships and indirectly to the relationships you’ve described.

Hope that helps.

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Bo, How important is sex in a marriage? I am asking because I have met a great guy however (we have not had intercourse) I have seen his private parts during some heavy foreplay and it is EXTREMELY small. Should this matter?

Umm... so... are you asking about the importance of sex IN MARRIAGE? Or are you talking about the importance of a male's sexual prowess IN GENERAL? These are two TOTALLY different questions, so I'll attempt to address both.

So let’s talk start with “IN GENERAL.” The question you asked, should [the size of his private parts] matter? And the answer is, “Of course it matters.” Or at least I’m quite certain that it matters to you, because you are already concerned enough to ask. Additionally, how would you know what is “small” and what is “large”? The fact that you asked the question implies that you must have some point of reference to compare. If you cannot get over “comparing” then this could definitely be a deal breaker for you. (SIDEBAR:: This is just one of the reasons abstinence before marriage is so preferable.)

The other aspect of the question was about the importance of sex in a marriage. I’ll assume since you are asking me you are talking about a Christian marriage? And in that case, the answer to whether sex is important to marriage is, “Sex is so important and so central to marriage that the Bible teaches you can’t actually and officially be married without it.” But even in that we now need to make sure we distinguish between “sex” and “sexual fulfillment”. Sex alone is very technical and tactile and because it is a totally physical act the physical characteristics of a partner’s sexual organs are very important and potentially paramount. In “sex”, it is all about the act itself, so the size issue could definitely be a deal breaker.

But when it comes to sexual fulfillment, and not JUST sex, we are no longer simply focusing on the technical “act” or physiology of sex. Sexual fulfillment is also very much about the psychology of intimacy, security/vulnerability, passion, union, and communion. Obviously with all of those additional elements at play the size of a partner’s manhood would play a far lesser role in sexual fulfillment than it would potentially play in the simple act of sex alone.

And in a Christian marriage the act of “sex” is far less important that the ability to share “sexual fulfillment”. So you have to ask yourself which is your primary objective? If you’re simply looking for sex, he might not be the guy for you. But if you are looking for lifelong sexual fulfillment in a committed relationship… Who says he’s not the guy?

Bottom line and all things considered, this size issue alone doesn’t have to be a “deal breaker”. But no one can answer that question for you, but you. If it’s a problem for you it’s a problem for you… No need to apologize for that. Be true to yourself. But also think about this, would you rather be married to a man that is more well endowed, but is much less capable of loving you and caring for you and your children? Just another one of the MANY things that you should consider about this "GREAT GUY" along with the size issue.

Hope that helps sis.
ya bruh,
Bo

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What is it that you wish women knew? You can respond from the stand point of what you wish they knew about men, about themselves, or however you desire. I'm just interested in your response.

I wish women knew the intent and inherent power of their own God ordained value, purpose, and position. I know that sounds sexist and in a way it is. If we Christians are to believe that the God of the Bible is indeed the author of marriage then we simply cannot ignore the sexist nature and DNA of marriage. It baffles me how we can pray to God for a godly man or woman, but then refuse to live in a marriage modeled after the Bible’s blueprint for marriage.

I know it’s easy for me to say because I’m a man, but “submission” is not a curse word. As I have experienced in my own marriage it takes a very strong, faith filled woman to submit not only to her husband but to God’s ordained model for the marriage. Why do women think this is such a terrible thing? It would seem to me either they trust God or they do not. Submission is much less about trusting the “man” than it is about trusting God. Bottom line, if a woman can’t trust/submit to the man she’s with, it’s because one, or both, of them have chosen not follow God's design. They're going to do it their own way.

Funning thing is, God's way is like the turtoise that wins the race. It doesn't always make sense in the beginning. It doesn't always seem to be working. Sometimes things are tough and seem to be falling apart. I think that's by design. I think there's a period in every successful marriage where the two have to learn to lean not on their own understanding and commit to doing things God's way.

The Bible teaches a very unique paradigm that applies in all facets of life. The Bible teaches that to gain our lives we must lose them and to be the greatest, we must be the least of all. This paradoxical spiritual truth also extends to marriage. For a woman to assume the place in a marriage she desires and receive the respect she most certainly know she deserves, she must be willing to submit to God’s design for a marriage, her role/position as a wife, and to her husband’s leadership in a marriage. Anything less and we’re just playing house the non-Christian way.

I know that’s not popular… But I challenge every woman to find a wife that has a happy 20, 30, 40+ year marriage and study her position/posture in the marriage. Almost infallibly she has assumed and submitted to the position of servant to all, including her husband, but is also simultaneously the strongest, most influential, and most respected person in that family. That is God’s way. That is God’s model for the wife in a marriage. A "woman" demands it... A godly "wife" submits to it.

But I digress, maybe women already know all this… Maybe they just don’t like it. Maybe, they’ve decided to do marriage their own way… But if so? If a woman refuses to do it God’s way? Why get married at all? I really wish women knew the intent and inherent power of their own God ordained value, purpose, and position; because that is where their true power resides.

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