WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT DEALING WITH A 17 YOUNG LADY!!! TRYING TO STAY CLOSE AS A FATHER BUT IT SEEMS LIKE SHE BUCKS AT EVERY TURN!!! SOMETHING SAYS STOP TRYING BUT THAT WOULD BE THE EASY WAY OUT!!! ANY SUGGESTIONS!!!

First, let me apologize for the delayed response. For some reason the site did not notify me of your pending question. Second, let me commend you for staying in the fight. And yes it is a “fight”, but it’s not a fight with your daughter. Instead it is a fight against all the elements and influences that would drive a wedge between you and your daughter. The enemy wants to destroy your relationship your daughter so she will be easier to manipulate and derail later in life as an adult. Stand strong... even if it means holding your peace.

17 y/o is a tough age for any parent to navigate with a child, but I think the father/daughter relationship takes the cake hands down. I don’t think there is a more difficult time in that relationship than when a man’s daughter begins to turn into a young woman. We know they are sheep among wolves. We want to protect them and they believe our protection is imprisonment... And sometimes it is. They don't seem to understand us and we certainly don't understand them. It's a tough situation indeed… But there is hope sir, stay the course.

This is what we know for sure. #1, you are her father and nothing is going to change that. #2, she is your daughter and nothing is going to change that. #3, she won’t be 17 forever, she will grow up. And #4, whether she knows/likes it or not she will need her daddy. Now armed with that information any many worth his weight in plugged nickels will figure out how to weather this storm… Because it is just a storm and this too will pass. You are doing the right thing by reaching out and asking for insight and I think I can help.

Whether it’s 16, 17, 18, 20, or 22 y/o at some point every parent has to give their children room to transition into responsible adults. And as painful and unnerving as that may be sometimes that means giving them enough room to bump their heads a few times. At some point we have to take the training wheels off and trust that what we’ve taught them and instilled in them over the years is going to guide them. Now this is not to say that we STOP parenting, it just means that as our children mature we have to figure out new ways of parenting. Age/Maturity appropriate parenting is the key.

Typically, this means WE must grow from telling them exactly “WHAT, WHEN, and HOW” to live to helping guide them as they start making decisions about the best way to live based on our faith and beliefs. This is the point in their lives where they begin to most appreciate and model our example as opposed to just our instruction. And this is the primary reason most parents have so much trouble with their teens and tweens… it’s because we’ve already set the example and now they are exactly like us. Unfortunately, we can never go back and undo what’s already done but we can move forward in love and determination.

I would recommend that you create a list of the top 5 things you want your daughter to know, understand, and live by as she completes her journey into womanhood. Be clear and very specific about what you hope to share with her. What is it that you want her to leave your house with? What information, knowledge, skills, understanding, and resolve to you want to make sure she is equipped with as she turns 18, 19, and 20+? Develop this list until you are comfortable enough to share it with her over lunch or at any other time when the two of you are on good terms and sharing a father/daughter moment.

Reference the list when the two of you are at odds, just to remind her of your true motivations. The list is not weapon, it's a reminder. Let her know that you hope to use this list to help guide your relationship and interactions as she matures into a young woman. Tell her what makes you proud of her and what gives you concern. Not confrontationally, but just as a Daddy concerned and in love with his daughter. Let her know you only want the best for her life and you are willing to grow as much as YOU need to so you can be ready to help when she needs you… because life is hard and just like learning to ride a bike she will fall, she will scrape her knee, but daddy is going to be there to pick her up, put her back on that bike and see her through... you only hope to reduce the number of times she has to learn the hard way.

I commend you sir for staying in the fight. But remember you aren’t fighting your daughter you are fighting influences and elements that would lead her down the wrong path. You stand firm. Be the element and influence that continues to show her the benefits of the right path… But not just in instruction… Lead also by example. Hope that helps sir.

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