Excellent question:
The old adage about "opposites attract" is just as true now as ever. But so is the old adage that states “Birds of a feather flock together.” They are both true and applicable here. In my post the term "attract" is actually the more important variable in the equation. We can proactively “attract” by pulling, calling, coercing, and/or inviting. But we can also passively “attract” by showing, exposing, presenting, allowing, and ignoring.
In the context of my status a person's spiritual, intellectual, financial, and emotional wealth are completely irrelevant. Because a person can have any of those things and still secretly think of themselves as weak, unworthy, and/or out of place. In that way, ‘who you are’ is defined by how you think and how you view yourself… and not defined by ‘what you have’. Contrary to popular belief weak people are actually drawn to power, but will only stay if a suitable weakness is located to exploit.
You said it yourself.... Think of parasites… They are drawn to life and vitality, however if they can’t find a way in they move on. The weak need a weakness to thrive. And for most of the people who fancy themselves as spiritual, intellectual, financial, and emotionally wealthy their weakness is usually either pride, arrogance, greed, or low self esteem. Each of which are great avenues for the liar, cheater, and/or ignorant to exploit. If they can’t find/exploit these weaknesses they will move on. Guaranteed. So if you continue to attract the same kind of parasites… There’s a problem. And the problem is NOT with the parasites.
But ultimately, I must digress because the true nature of my comment was about romantic relationships and not general human/business interaction. So my comment really only applies directly to romantic relationships and indirectly to the relationships you’ve described.
Hope that helps.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
If U attract who U R, than what of those people who attract the weak? People who have great spiritual, intellectual, financial, & emotional wealth R often the prey of parasites. U don't have to B a liar, cheater, or ignorant 2 attract that N others.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Bo, How important is sex in a marriage? I am asking because I have met a great guy however (we have not had intercourse) I have seen his private parts during some heavy foreplay and it is EXTREMELY small. Should this matter?
Umm... so... are you asking about the importance of sex IN MARRIAGE? Or are you talking about the importance of a male's sexual prowess IN GENERAL? These are two TOTALLY different questions, so I'll attempt to address both.
So let’s talk start with “IN GENERAL.” The question you asked, should [the size of his private parts] matter? And the answer is, “Of course it matters.” Or at least I’m quite certain that it matters to you, because you are already concerned enough to ask. Additionally, how would you know what is “small” and what is “large”? The fact that you asked the question implies that you must have some point of reference to compare. If you cannot get over “comparing” then this could definitely be a deal breaker for you. (SIDEBAR:: This is just one of the reasons abstinence before marriage is so preferable.)
The other aspect of the question was about the importance of sex in a marriage. I’ll assume since you are asking me you are talking about a Christian marriage? And in that case, the answer to whether sex is important to marriage is, “Sex is so important and so central to marriage that the Bible teaches you can’t actually and officially be married without it.” But even in that we now need to make sure we distinguish between “sex” and “sexual fulfillment”. Sex alone is very technical and tactile and because it is a totally physical act the physical characteristics of a partner’s sexual organs are very important and potentially paramount. In “sex”, it is all about the act itself, so the size issue could definitely be a deal breaker.
But when it comes to sexual fulfillment, and not JUST sex, we are no longer simply focusing on the technical “act” or physiology of sex. Sexual fulfillment is also very much about the psychology of intimacy, security/vulnerability, passion, union, and communion. Obviously with all of those additional elements at play the size of a partner’s manhood would play a far lesser role in sexual fulfillment than it would potentially play in the simple act of sex alone.
And in a Christian marriage the act of “sex” is far less important that the ability to share “sexual fulfillment”. So you have to ask yourself which is your primary objective? If you’re simply looking for sex, he might not be the guy for you. But if you are looking for lifelong sexual fulfillment in a committed relationship… Who says he’s not the guy?
Bottom line and all things considered, this size issue alone doesn’t have to be a “deal breaker”. But no one can answer that question for you, but you. If it’s a problem for you it’s a problem for you… No need to apologize for that. Be true to yourself. But also think about this, would you rather be married to a man that is more well endowed, but is much less capable of loving you and caring for you and your children? Just another one of the MANY things that you should consider about this "GREAT GUY" along with the size issue.
Hope that helps sis.
ya bruh,
Bo
Saturday, February 5, 2011
What is it that you wish women knew? You can respond from the stand point of what you wish they knew about men, about themselves, or however you desire. I'm just interested in your response.
I wish women knew the intent and inherent power of their own God ordained value, purpose, and position. I know that sounds sexist and in a way it is. If we Christians are to believe that the God of the Bible is indeed the author of marriage then we simply cannot ignore the sexist nature and DNA of marriage. It baffles me how we can pray to God for a godly man or woman, but then refuse to live in a marriage modeled after the Bible’s blueprint for marriage.
I know it’s easy for me to say because I’m a man, but “submission” is not a curse word. As I have experienced in my own marriage it takes a very strong, faith filled woman to submit not only to her husband but to God’s ordained model for the marriage. Why do women think this is such a terrible thing? It would seem to me either they trust God or they do not. Submission is much less about trusting the “man” than it is about trusting God. Bottom line, if a woman can’t trust/submit to the man she’s with, it’s because one, or both, of them have chosen not follow God's design. They're going to do it their own way.
Funning thing is, God's way is like the turtoise that wins the race. It doesn't always make sense in the beginning. It doesn't always seem to be working. Sometimes things are tough and seem to be falling apart. I think that's by design. I think there's a period in every successful marriage where the two have to learn to lean not on their own understanding and commit to doing things God's way.
The Bible teaches a very unique paradigm that applies in all facets of life. The Bible teaches that to gain our lives we must lose them and to be the greatest, we must be the least of all. This paradoxical spiritual truth also extends to marriage. For a woman to assume the place in a marriage she desires and receive the respect she most certainly know she deserves, she must be willing to submit to God’s design for a marriage, her role/position as a wife, and to her husband’s leadership in a marriage. Anything less and we’re just playing house the non-Christian way.
I know that’s not popular… But I challenge every woman to find a wife that has a happy 20, 30, 40+ year marriage and study her position/posture in the marriage. Almost infallibly she has assumed and submitted to the position of servant to all, including her husband, but is also simultaneously the strongest, most influential, and most respected person in that family. That is God’s way. That is God’s model for the wife in a marriage. A "woman" demands it... A godly "wife" submits to it.
But I digress, maybe women already know all this… Maybe they just don’t like it. Maybe, they’ve decided to do marriage their own way… But if so? If a woman refuses to do it God’s way? Why get married at all? I really wish women knew the intent and inherent power of their own God ordained value, purpose, and position; because that is where their true power resides.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
How do you define a "real man"?
well... let's see. I'm sure everyone has their own definition, but to me? A real man is accountable, responsible, and present. But further, his presence ensures peace, safety, love, vision, and provision for his family and all committed to his charge. A real man is evidenced not in what he has or who he is, but most accurately in how those around him are affected by him.
There's no way to identify a "real man" by looking at him. To identify a "real man" you have to consider the sum total of his impact on his family, his home, his relationships, and his legacy. Like Private Investigators we have to look at the facts, the clues... The fingerprint of a real man is undeniable. Everything he touches and everyone he touches is better because he did.
That’s my 2 cents.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
formspring.me
Monday, January 10, 2011
What advice would you give men (and women) who feel as if they married the wrong spouse, and is only continuing to stay married for "the kids"? Lack of better of words they have grown apart and in different directions and neither willing to change.
Anything that’s alive grows and changes and anything that doesn’t is dead. Change is to be expected; even if not fully embraced. The ability to deal with, adjust to, and even master change is a function of both emotional intelligence and personal faith. Change doesn’t mean that you’ve been wrong all this time, it just means that you’ve decided to be different now… a successful marriage costs a lot in humility, compromise, growth, and commitment; but it's a fair system and you get what you pay for.
Bottom line: to improve, you have to change. There’s no way around it… So, honestly, I don’t have any advice at all for people who are “unwilling” to change. I’d rather talk to/pray for the kids.
Hey there Bo, I have a question for you and I am interested in here your response, I have this on going debate often... Do you believe Christians are the only one's that will make it into heaven?
Honestly I don’t know…
Fundamentally, this question assumes a great number of things… The very origin of this debate and the nature of the questions about heaven assume that, at the very bare minimum,: God is real. And Heaven is real. In essence, if the debate is actually about “WHO” gets into Heaven, then we can presume the debates about “IF” there is indeed a God and, by association, also a “Heaven” have been settled.
My personal perspective on the debate is this, if we agree that heaven is real then we also must agree, on some level, that there is also a supreme being/reality/presence/power etc that created it; for the sake of discussion I’ll call that entity/reality “God”. At this point in the discussion/debate I’ll briefly shift my focus away from Heaven and towards God. (We’ll come back to the specter of Heaven in a sec)
So… If there’s a God great, all powerful, all knowing, and unimaginably magnificent enough to be the God of Heaven, I have to ask myself is this same God/entity/power great, powerful, and magnificent enough to also be the God of many cultures? Every culture? Could the God of the Christian faith also be the Allah of the Muslim faith? To be clear the question is not “IF” they are one in the same, the question is COULD THEY POSSIBLY BE one in the same? Not if, but just is it possible?
This kind of thinking and conversation is where I start to lose most people because I happen to believe that the God I choose to serve is BIG enough, all powerful enough, and just “God” enough to be all things to all people all at the same time.
For example, if three people stand in the same room and look at the same diamond at the same time, it is quite likely that at any given moment they can all see a different color. To one the diamond may appear yellow, to another the diamond may appear to be blue, and to a third it may appear to be red. They can all completely disagree about the color of the diamond AND all be 100% correct. The diamond is multifaceted and has that ability… If a diamond can do it, I am of the mind and belief that the God I serve is much more brilliant and multifaceted than a simple diamond.
If there is a God and that God does indeed have a plan for the entire universe and that plan includes Heaven… I feel it’s safe for me to assume that I don’t have the slightest clue what that same God might be planning, doing, or capable of doing. I for one have not and will not put God in a box, so I cannot and dare not definitively say whether or not Christians are the only ones that will make it into heaven; because I don’t know.
But I will say this, based on my faith and my own beliefs, true born again Christians are the only ones I can GUARANTEE will get into heaven, so I personally dare not chance it. And as for others, of other faiths and beliefs? If they make it into Heaven, and I pray that they will, I’ll be overjoyed to see them there and they can tell me all about their journey and who God was/is to them.
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To read my book or hear my motivational CDs visit: http://www.BoSpeaks.com/
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Steven "Bo" Beaudoin Jr. Author, Speaker, Motivator, and "Secret Weapon". a champion of Christ centered clarity, motivation, and focus. http://www.facebook.com/Bo.Beaudoin
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