OK, LOL, you got your money’s worth on this one. Several questions rolled into one. I can't say that I have an 'answer' but I do have some ideas I pray that you find helpful.
Question #1 : How can you start dating with two young children??? I’ve learned that people can figure out how to do anything they have to do or ‘really’ want to do. If you can’t figure out a way to date, you may not be ‘ready’ to date. Dating is not a matter of convenience it’s a matter of decision and determination. The kids could stay with friends or family for a few hours in the evening or on the weekend. You could hire a baby sitter or take advantage of a local church’s Mom’s day/night out program. You could also meet for lunch during the normal work day. People can and will figure out how to do anything they really want to do. The question for you is do you really want to? Are you ready?
Question #2 : Where would you meet this special person? Well, I’d get busy living. I’d get fully engaged in the things I am passionate about. I’d take classes, join clubs, and attend events that were in line with my passions. The person you want will likely have some similar interest and therefore you’ll have a better chance of meeting that person while actively engaged in pursuing that passion. The benefit of this strategy is that if it really is your passion you can focus on the activity and not focus on ‘looking/searching’ for Mr. Right, which could come across as needy.
Get to know you and what you like to do, start living your life like you’ll never ‘find’ him… because you won’t if you’re ‘looking’. The ‘search’ gives off the wrong energy. But learning, laughing, and living all send off the right vibes that lead to loving. What are you passionate about? Cooking, kayaking, working out, photography, the Arts, charity work, Breast cancer awareness,… what? Figure it out and get busy living sis. The man you want is probably out there doing the same. You can’t expect him to come knocking on your door because he doesn’t know where you live… yet. ; ) Hope that helps sis.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
My question,,,,How can you start dating with two young children??? Where would you meet this special person......God gives us what we need and not what we want. I know what I want,,,, but it isn't going well. Do you have an answer????
Do you think married women REALLY want to know/or care if their husband is cheating on them? If so, who should tell the husband or the mistress?
Given the full array of marriage arrangements now, I’m quite certain this is not a one answer fits all type question. I’m sure given the full spectrum of circumstances, situations, personalities, and expectations the answers would range from most definitely ‘yes’ for some, ‘maybe’ for some, to ‘it depends’ for some, ‘probably not’ for still some others, and even flat out ‘no’ for still some others.
As far as who should tell? Generally speaking, ‘if’ anyone is to tell it should be the husband. For the most part, the ”mistress” stands to gain nothing by “telling” other than possibly vengeance or retribution of some kind. It’s not like she has become altruistic and is suddenly looking out for the best interest of the wife. And even if guilt/repentance has finally taken over and forced her to change her ways that is between her and the Lord. I would suspect that a mistress who decides to “tell” has been, or at least feels, spurned or disrespected in some way and only then decides to lash out and hurt someone else in return.
But as I said there are actually situations that run the full gamut. I can also see situations where the wife and the mistress are close friends or even family… in that case the mistress may be forced to reveal the situation if the husband will not. I’ve seen this between sisters, cousins, neighbors, best friends, co-workers, etc… In situations like these the close proximity means the mistress would have to continue to perpetuate the lie in the face of the offended spouse. The close proximity also raises the likelihood that repeat offenses could occur. This situation, if unresolved, could hinder the mistresses own attempts at redemption, salvation, and moving on. I’ve seen scenarios where the mistress and the wife were much too close to not confess and ask for forgiveness. But without this level of connection, the mistress’ best option is to simply cut all ties and move on without causing any further damage to the marriage.
What advise do you have for a young man looking for a good women?
A couple of things come to mind ::
#1, you must become a “good man”. Relationships that last are ultimately subject to simple equilibrium. Meaning that for a relationship to last and prosper the couple must not be unequally yoked. What does a good woman want with a trifling man? Even if she does get mixed up with him, she will eventually come to her senses and move on. The truth of the matter is this, you can only hope to keep a woman that is as good a woman, as you are a good man. If you are 50% of a good man… you should expect to only be able to keep 50% of a good woman. You get and keep what you are. Your destiny in relationships is that your significant other will ultimately be a reflection of you.
#2, make sure you understand that there is a HUGE difference between a “good woman” and a ‘good wife”. True, a good wife is most definitely a good woman… but not the other way around. There are very good women who are actually terrible wives. So if I were you I’d sit down and write a job description for the wife of your dreams. What would your wife like to do, love to do, want to do, never do, etc…? You need to know what kind of woman would make a good wife for you.
Think of it this way, if I tell you I want a ‘good vehicle’ what do I mean? Am I talking about a bike, a boat, a truck, a tractor, a plane, what? Is a Ford F-150 a ‘good vehicle’? Sure… but it may not be the ‘right’ vehicle for what I want to do. Finding a ‘good woman’ is simply not enough.
#3, Some additional advice about a ‘good woman’ that I am sure it to get me in trouble…
[[Remember ladies this man asked about a ‘good woman’ so I’m only going to speak that issue]]
I’d recommend you strongly consider a woman that has been married before… I’m just saying, man to man. I’ll take the heat because you cared enough to ask and I care enough to tell you what I really think. I recommend a woman that has been married before because her illusion of what a marriage is and what a wife should or should not do has been refined. Most women married for the first time just don’t get it right. Some do… most don’t. Most first time wives really have no clue what it takes to be a ‘good wife’. Many of them are great women… but terrible wives. There are several reasons the first marriage divorce rates are so high, and this is one of them.
Are women completely to blame for the current first time marriage divorce rates, of course not. But I feel your chances of finding a great wife are much better when dealing with women who’ve learned from the problems in a first marriage. It’s amazing to me how much people, both men and women, change in the second marriage. It’s like the first marriage is some kind of test run. Unfortunately, the first spouse deals with all the misconceptions, attitudes, illusions, and marital immaturity while the second spouse reaps all the benefits of lessons learned.
That’s my two cents… let the ear beatings commence.
Monday, March 22, 2010
I spent 1/yr/20 hr/day fighting the bill that converts The Land Of The Free into a socialist Nanny state. What does God want? Why would He allow thw Evil to prevail against us? How do we all pull together as Chistians under Our Supreme Leader?
Your question is actually much less about complex politics, policies, and “evil” than it is about fundamental Christian perspective and purpose. Unfortunately, we tend to lose sight of God’s overall plan for the earth as described in scripture. Further, we seem to ignore the full history and trajectory of God’s chosen people as well as his standard methodologies for dealing with them.
Ultimately, who’s winning and who’s losing at this very moment is a matter of perspective. How do we know evil is “prevailing” if we consider that there is absolutely nothing in scripture that indicates, implies, or promises that evil won’t be “leading” at half-time? Evil may actually still be in the lead and building until our key player reenters the game in the final minutes to secure our victory. In the meantime, there’s no guarantee we won’t be getting out butts kicked for long stretches at a time. Therefore, the proper perspective demands that we see the whole game through Gods eyes and in light of his stated plan.
So, as long as Christians are “focused” on temporal issues like Politics there will always be division, disagreement, and strife even among Christians. I personally believe this is a trick of the enemy… We can’t be defeated but we can be distracted and divided. And given that the very nature of Politics is polarizing, there’s no way around that. But, when an understanding and appreciation of God’s plan is fully embraced our perspective will inevitably shift from things that are temporal to things that are eternal. Which is more important, the number of votes we can get in the House of Representatives or the number of 8th graders we can introduce to the Lord? I’m just saying… Purpose is tied to Perspective. When we shift from a Political to a Kingdom perspective our purpose also shifts from a Political to a Kingdom purpose.
So the only way for Christians to “pull together” is to learn, embrace, and become more passionate about our “Supreme Leader’s” plans policies as we are about our National leader’s plans policies.
I spent 1/yr/20 hr/day fighting the bill that converts The Land Of The Free into a socialist Nanny state. What does God want? Why would He allow thw Evil to prevail against us? How do we all pull together as Chistians under Our Supreme Leader?
Your question is actually much less about complex politics, policies, and “evil” than it is about fundamental Christian perspective and purpose. Unfortunately, we tend to lose sight of God’s overall plan for the earth as described in scripture. Further, we seem to ignore the full history and trajectory of God’s chosen people as well as his standard methodologies for dealing with them.
Ultimately, who’s winning and who’s losing at this very moment is a matter of perspective. How do we know evil is “prevailing” if we consider that there is absolutely nothing in scripture that indicates, implies, or promises that evil won’t be “leading” at half-time? Evil may actually still be in the lead and building until our key player reenters the game in the final minutes to secure our victory. In the meantime, there’s no guarantee we won’t be getting out butts kicked for longs stretches at a time. The proper perspective demands that we see the whole game through Gods eyes and in light of his stated plan.
So, as long as Christians are “focused” on temporal issues like Politics there will always be division, disagreement, and strife. The nature of Politics is polarizing; no way around that. But, when an understanding and appreciation of God’s plan is fully embraced our perspective will inevitably shifts from things that are temporal to things that are eternal. Which is more important, the number of votes we can get in the House of Representatives or the number of 8th graders we can introduce to the Lord? I’m just saying… Purpose is tied to Perspective. When we shift from a Political to a Kingdom perspective our purpose also shifts from a Political to a Kingdom purpose.
So the only way for Christians to “pull together” is to learn, embrace, and become more passionate about our “Supreme Leader’s” plans policies as we are about our National leader’s plans policies.
I spent 1/yr/20 hr/day fighting the bill that converts The Land Of The Free into a socialist Nanny state. What does God want? Why would He allow thw Evil to prevail against us? How do we all pull together as Chistians under Our Supreme Leader?
Your question is actually much less about complex politics, policies, and “evil” than it is about fundamental Christian perspective and purpose. Unfortunately, we tend to lose sight of God’s overall plan for the earth as described in scripture. Further, we seem to ignore the full history and trajectory of God’s chosen people as well as his standard methodologies for dealing with them.
Ultimately, who’s winning and who’s losing at this very moment is a matter of perspective. How do we know evil is “prevailing” if we consider that there is absolutely nothing in scripture that indicates, implies, or promises that evil won’t be “leading” at half-time? Evil may actually still be in the lead and building until our key player reenters the game in the final minutes to secure our victory. In the meantime, there’s no guarantee we won’t be getting out butts kicked for longs stretches at a time. The proper perspective demands that we see the whole game through Gods eyes and in light of his stated plan.
So, as long as Christians are “focused” on temporal issues like Politics there will always be division, disagreement, and strife. The nature of Politics is polarizing; no way around that. But, when an understanding and appreciation of God’s plan is fully embraced our perspective will inevitably shifts from things that are temporal to things that are eternal. Which is more important, the number of votes we can get in the House of Representatives or the number of 8th graders we can introduce to the Lord? I’m just saying… Purpose is tied to Perspective. When we shift from a Political to a Kingdom perspective our purpose also shifts from a Political to a Kingdom purpose.
So the only way for Christians to “pull together” is to learn, embrace, and become more passionate about our “Supreme Leader’s” plans policies as we are about our National leader’s plans policies.
Friday, March 19, 2010
You've given advice on what it takes to obtain & keep a happy marriage.But lately I've noticed you have been flirting somewhat with the female friends on your page.Is the fame of FB getting the best of you and your ego?
Hmmmm... that's an interesting observation. Shall we assume by lately, you've been following my online work for more than a year or two? I would hope so, because I'd give your assertion a whole lot more credibility if you had... So let's assume you have. And, in that case, your question would imply that I am somehow acting in a way that is unbecoming to my ministry and possibly even detrimental to my marriage... I simply don't see that. But…
But then there's a reason Blind spots are actually called "blind spots"... So I'll go back and read as many of my recent posts to see if I have in some way disrespected myself, my wife, or my ministry. (If anyone reading this post knows of any conversations or comments that I've made online which were untoward in any way, please copy them and paste them back here, anonymously, and I will address them openly and accordingly.)
Now as for "fame of FB"... that is hilarious, I can't even take that part seriously. LOL. But, thanks for caring enough to call me on this.
I'm in love with a man that has a woman (not wife)/ they have a child. we were in a short relationship but he went back home. I still care for him. what can i do to stop sleeping with him? im worth more than that but its so hard to resist him, then when h
I'm in love with a man that has a woman (not wife)/ they have a child. we were in a short relationship but he went back home. I still care for him. what can i do to stop sleeping with him? im worth more than that but its so hard to resist him, then when he leaves i feel so bad and guilty.
What can you do to stop sleeping with him? Stop. Well, let me put it this way you obviously don’t like the current set up or you wouldn’t be asking this question. So you’ve realized now that ‘something’ has to STOP. So let’s take inventory… Option #1. You seem resigned to the fact that he won’t stop and why should he… from his perspective he probably feels like he’s got a pretty nice set up. Option #2. His woman could stop it… Another unlikely scenario, because they have a child and he’s not married to her and she’s pretty much settled for taking what she can get too. So I don’t think she’ll be much help to you either.
So… that leads us to Option #3. You stop it. But you’re in so deep now you’re addicted to the situation. It has become the pain you know… and you seem to prefer it to the pain you don’t know. At this point, there’s nothing in your statement that leads me to believe you have the strength to stop this on your own. Because when you really want to stop it… you will. But that brings us to Option #4. Stop lying to yourself. You are obviously OK with this setup on some level… And that’s the real problem. That’s why you are so conflicted. You think in your head this should be a problem for you, but in your heart it really isn’t. That’s a very, very, dangerous place to be mentally. Sounds like you might have some self-esteem issues that have caused you to settle for this mess.
So, what am I recommending… Option 5. Contact this “man” and tell him all the things you are feeling, better yet, write a letter. In the letter explain that this relationship is unhealthy. Explain that it makes you feel sad, bad, and guilty. Tell him you don’t want to feel that way and you deserve to feel better. Tell him that you have figured out that he and this situation is not good for you. But that you don’t have the strength to stand up for yourself. Tell him you are praying that he is man enough and that he love you enough to stand up for the both of you… If he truly cares for you… he’ll walk away. If he loves himself, he’ll ignore your plea and try to make you OK, with his sweet setup no matter how it makes you feel.
What do you have to lose? Either he’s man enough to walk away. Or you’ll find out he cares more about himself than you and really doesn’t deserve your love and loyalty. Either response should give you some new options you don’t seem to have right now. And looking forward, whether you end this or not, you must work on your self image sis. You simply must get to a point that you truly value your own sense of self worth at least as much as you seem to value loyalty. But... here's a secret that trumps all the information above... if you really want to stop… just Stop.
How do you feel about couples needing their space from one another? Problem: I have my own hobbies and a job that takes me out of town occas. Had an issue before with my new boyfriend talking/going out w/another woman while gone... How do u get past that?
Well there are two questions here, so I’ll try to take them one at a time…
#1 :: How do you feel about couples needed their space from one another? First, I don’t see unmarried couples in the same context as married couples. Unmarried, I say fight to keep your “space”. Married couples, I say that term should be removed from your vocabulary. Because hopefully you are marrying someone you can be with 24/7/365 for the rest of your life. I know a lot of people won’t agree with that but there’s a reason the divorce rate is so high. I’m not saying give up on all of your hobbies or separate friends, but I am saying to give up on anything that is taking away from or causing challenges in the marriage. The marriage comes first.
#2 :: How do you get past the fact that your new boyfriend that is “talking/going out w/another woman while gone”? Uh, sorry sis… you don’t get PAST that, unless by “get past it” you mean, how do you stop caring about yourself so much that you don’t care if he continues to openly and blatantly disrespect you? To get past it you need to get past him. But there is potentially a second problem here as well. Your job… unfortunately, there are actually jobs out there that are bad for relationships. Certain jobs make it difficult to build and maintain relationships, it’s a sad fact of life and one I’m sure no one wants to hear in this economy. But, you need to figure out if your job is helping or hurting your relationships. I’m not saying to do anything about it, I’m just saying you need to know what role it may play in any future relationships and decide accordingly.
Hope this helps. ; )
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
A relationship end with this guy by him. It has been 2-3mons since we have talked. He has recently been appearing n my dreams n thoughts regarding his relationship with Christ..is it GOd or my subconscious with my own motive?.should I contact him
I'm no "dream reader". But if I had to guess from the contents of your comments alone, I'd say you are just looking for reasons to contact him. Believe me the Lord can and will use anyone to reach him if need be. Besides if his relationship with Christ was not resolved while you were "together", it seems a bit odd that it is so important all of a sudden.
Continue to pray His strength in the Lord and pray that the Lord will convict his heart and draw him closer to the cross. You can certainly pray and keep moving at the same time. And that is exactly what I would recommend in this case.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
I don’t think you answered that other question about Homosexual Christian Church. What do you think of the church?
Oh… you know I think you’re right. Maybe I wasn’t very clear… So first, I must confess the term Homosexual Christian Church is new to me so I have to assume you are talking about a Christian Church that is OK/or promotes openly homosexual relationships. If that’s correct, then my answer is fairly straight forward. I don’t think God is pleased with such a church. Particularly if the church is touting its “Christian” belief system. I put “Christian” in quotations because I see a disconnect in the logic behind such a title.
As politically incorrect as it may be in 2010, the Bible is clear on its stance against homosexuality. As it is clear on its stance against all other activities it defines as “sin”. Whether we agree with it or not the Christian faith is built on Biblical principles that define the totality of dogma and doctrine for the faith. It is undeniable that this doctrine calls homosexuality a sin.
I know the arguments about errors, rewrites, and the proposed politics leading to the presumed fallibility of scripture. I understand why some might be uncertain and even more possibly convinced that homosexuality was added as a sin at some later date by some less than Divine authority. I don’t have the theological or academic background to dispute such a claim. However, for me, it seems pretty clear and consistent in its stance against ALL forms of acts identified in scripture as “sexual immorality” including adultery, fornication, bestiality, and homosexuality.
So maybe my perspective is tainted because I’ve never struggled with homosexuality… But I have struggled mightily and lost the battle with fornication (it was only marriage that saved me). “Better to marry than to burn.” So because I had my own insurmountable struggles I just can’t see how to give homosexuals a “free pass” because their form of struggle is different. In my ignorance and acceptance of Biblical authority it is at the very least in the same “category” of sexual immorality.
So I have to ask myself how would I have felt about a “Fornication Christian Church”. I don’t mean a church where that happens, because it’s everywhere even in the pulpit. But I mean, like the definition above, a church “that is OK/or promotes openly promiscuous premarital relationships.” Man that would have worked out great for me… So why should homosexuals get a free pass? What about an Adulterers Christian Church? See I think it only fair that homosexuals get their ear beatings right along with the rest of us. If we are to call ourselves “Christians” there is a cross to bear… No free passes.
So this is where I differ from most of my Christian brethren and that’s in application. I for one don’t have to agree with what you are doing to love you. I don’t “tolerate” homosexuality… I love people. I love alcoholics. Because I can appreciate their daily struggle. I love the adulterous church leadership and the promiscuous youth crowding our pews… I don’t “tolerate” them either. I love the drug addicts, prostitutes, and criminals… No need to “tolerate” anybody because I’m not any better than anyone else. I love my homosexual brothers and sisters, even if I don’t agree/understand their lifestyle. But still sin gets no free passes. I’m proud to ascribe to a higher standard in my own struggles. In my walk, my struggle, I get no free passes. I must die to myself daily to manage, survive, and grow as a Christian. So why shouldn’t all Christians do the same if that’s what the Bible teaches?
But ultimately my methods of sharing the Gospel are different from most. My chosen form of communicating the Gospel is much more “contemplation” than it is “condemnation”. So as it pertains to a Homosexual Christian Church. I think the concept is misguided at best and/or completely denies the redemptive and transformative power of Christ at worst. But would I visit such a church? Sure. Would I pray with my brothers and sisters there? Sure. If they ask me what I really thought of the Homosexual Christian Church… I’d skip up to paragraph 2 above and start over, “As politically incorrect as it may be in 2010, the Bible is clear on its stance against homosexuality. As it is clear on its stance against all other activities it defines as ‘sin’….” I hope that answered the question.
